PAX Centurion - March / April 2014

Page 34 • PAX CENTURION • March/April 2014 617-989-BPPA (2772) I recently went by a convenience store under renovation in the Back Bay. I wondered if the contractor had to factor in cost for compensation and or relocation of the panhandlers in his job estimate budget. Now that Menino’s gone can we PLEASE have our candy and tonic machines back? I’ve been in plenty of City buildings that never lost theirs! I’ve lived in Boston for my entire life. When I was a kid, pigeons were EVERYWHERE, and spying a hawk was a rare sight. Now it’s just the opposite. After working several details in sub-zero weather this winter, I’m pretty sure the phrase “Frozen Stiff” should actually be “Frozen Shrunk” Circumstance forced me to the Mass Registry of Motor Vehicles. I think it’s a lot like hell, only hell smells better… We MUST protect the Ukraine at all costs, because if it falls, we will never be able to get Chicken Kiev again! Speaking of the Ukraine, I don’t think the Russians are intimidated by Obama threatening to draw a line in the sand. It seems every time he does, and it’s crossed, he simply draws another one. Just ask Syria! Has anyone ever barked up the right tree??? In the United Kingdom, interested parties can purchase citizenship for about $4 million dollars. Why would you waste your money like that-if you come to the US, we’ll payYOU! I went looking for a spoon in my cooler but couldn’t find one, what I did discover were enough plastic knives to stage a revival of “West Side Story” on an airplane. Walter Williams, an elderly farmer passed away at his home, and was declared dead by the local coroner. His remains were transported to a Funeral Parlor, whereWilliams came to and began to move in- side the body bag which was in the embalming room. After changing his underwear, the undertaker phoned EMS. Williams was revived and survived for another two weeks, when he finally passed away for good. It’s rumored his last words were: “Be sure to get a second opinion THIS TIME!” If one more person uses the GPS excuse I’m going to flip! You know, “sorry officer, my GPS sent me down the one-way, through the red light, etc”-you get the picture. Same goes for “Where can I park?” Mikeala Shiffrin, 19 years old, and a U.S. Olympic Skier won gold in Sochi. When you win a Gold Medal at nineteen, does it all go downhill from there? Please mind your business! A busybody decided police needed to be called to investigate kids playing “pond hockey” on the Muddy River in the Fenway. With the temperature hovering in the teens for several days prior, and the depth of the Muddy River less than 5 feet, I think the possibility of “sudden death” would have been from a tie or frostbite rather than drowning. A radio ad for WIC really makes my blood boil. It consists of women cackling about all the great things you can buy with your WIC benefits – with one eyeing the full grocery cart and exclaiming “look at all that stuff did you win the lottery?” Yes, she did win the lottery, and we (taxpayers) bought the ticket! I always laugh at those commercials that show the well dressed housewife in the huge home, cleaning with the featured product. She buzzes about her giant house in a dress wiping and shining every sur- Tapdancing in a minefield By P.O. Jay Moccia face until it sparkles. C’mon in the real world a home that size would come with a team of housekeepers and the wife would be sitting around with a cocktail, making sure they didn’t steal anything. With so many things bearing the former Mayor’s moniker, it’s easy to confuse visitors to our fair city. Simply tell them to take a turn at the Menino (park, bike, building, ball field, flower garden, port-a- potty, etc) They’ll be going in circles for hours. In Colorado, an illegal alien is suing the local first responders who rescued him from his vehicle, after he was trapped by flood waters. Roy Ortiz has made no bones about it-he’s only looking for money, claiming rescuers should have got him out sooner. I truly hope the judge in this case does the right thing and throws the case and Ortiz out. A California State Senator, LelandYee, has been charged with trafficking in illegal weapons.Yee promised FULLAUTO Rifles and Shoulder Fired Rockets to an undercover FBI Agent, for $2 million. Yee claimed he could get the weapons fromMuslim Terrorists based in the Philippines. In an ironic twist, the senator authored and sup- ported many of California’s tough gun laws-you know, the ones that apply only to law abiding citizens, notYee, or his terrorist buddies, not to mention his gang banging organized crime associates.Yee also legislated Driver’s Licenses for Illegal Aliens, and blocked Law Enforcement from turning illegals over to Federal Authorities for Deportation. Oh and did I mention, he’s a DEMOCRAT! Speaking of Illegals and driver’s licenses, Massachusetts is enter- taining the prospect, claiming it will make our roads safer. Whoever came up with this one must already be using the medical marijuana. If you’re a bad driver with no insurance, a simple piece of paper isn’t going to change things one bit. A Driver’s License would also allow access to State benefits (although I don’t think they’re hard to come by without one), and Voter Registration. While not a fan of a Scarlet Letter, a great big red “IA” embossed over the info should be re- quired. Then we’d be able to see just how well these folks drive, while safeguarding our wallets and electorate from their meddling. And please don’t give me that “second class citizen” crap-they shouldn’t be citizens at all! Calls for a man with a rifle floodedArea D, with units from 4, 14, MSP, and Brookline Police searching for the camo clad suspect. Imagine the surprise when it turned out to be BU ROTC on a training exercise. It seems the proper notifications were made, but the word never got down to the boots on the ground, due to an oversight. A strange tidbit came to light during the aftermath, when one of the Boston Cops spoke to the Colonel in charge of the ROTC. They were forced to get permits after an anonymous complainant claimed to be scared and intimidated by the college troopers in their camouflage uniforms. Probably the same dolt that made the call. Anonymous complaints should not even be entertained. I have been known to belt out a tune or two at karaoke but find it embarrassing to sing at church. It is possible that alcohol may be a factor… Funny how a bum isn’t responsible enough to hold down a job, yet manages to beg money from a median strip or a convenience store for several hours. Early morning through late afternoon, in almost any weather, they’re more reliable than the US Postal Service. The editor of Ebony.com is in a bit of hot water after sending out a few tweets with a racist spin. Jamilah Lemieux blasted RaffiWilliams