PAX Centurion - March / April 2015

Page 42 • PAX CENTURION • March/April 2015 617-989-BPPA (2772) ALWAYS have a safe word Thiswinterwas soharsh, I raised awhiteflag in surrender, butMother Nature couldn’t see it with all that snow. H H H H H H H H H H H With roads closed, and parking bans in effect, Officers of the Boston Police Department were tasked to ferry essential doctors and nurses to their hospitals during February’s blizzards. I believe the courtesy service was referred to as “BL-Uber”. H H H H H H H H H H H PotentialDemocraticPresidential hopefulHillaryClintonwentMIA, amid rumors of plastic surgery. I heard she wanted a boob reduction, but nobody else wanted Bill. H H H H H H H H H H H I used to look good in all my tight shirts, now all my shirts are good and tight. H H H H H H H H H H H Islamic terror groupAl-Shabaabmade bold threats to shoot upmalls inAmerica. Liberalism holds the key to stopping these attacks: “What does that say on the mall door, Achmed?” “It reads ‘Gun Free Zone’, Mohammed” “Damn those Infidels, they are so clever!” “Allah help us, now we must think of a new plan” H H H H H H H H H H H I don’t knowwhy they annoy me so much, but I would like to replace the “Sonic” guys’ hot dogs with dynamite. H H H H H H H H H H H Performers and Presenters at this year’s Oscar show got the most expensive “swag bag” ever, with gifts totally around $160,000. Uncle Samgot his share of the perk in the formof about $40.000 in taxes (appx. 25%).Meanwhilewe toil on lucrative details andOTonly tobewhacked with a tax of about 32%. Where’s my $%^&*&# Red Carpet??? H H H H H H H H H H H With all the snow in February, District Four was officially renamed “Ice Station Delta” H H H H H H H H H H H Iwon’t say the bums inCopleySquarePark are causingmore trouble, but Katie Copley is set to be replaced by a German Shepherd. H H H H H H H H H H H MY NOTICE TO APPEAR FOR MY ANNUAL DRUG TESTING WAS WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN CAPS. I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING YELLEDAT!!!! H H H H H H H H H H H When you’re young you talk about the future, when you’re old you talk about the past… H H H H H H H H H H H Now that Bowe Bergdahl has been charged with desertion, will the 5 Taliban thugs we swapped for him return to Gitmo? H H H H H H H H H H H NBCNewsAnchor BrianWilliams has been suspended after hewas caught in a lie. It seemsWilliams claimed to have been on a helicopter that was shot down during the Iraq war, but was actually on a different chopper, which did not come under fire. This fib caused a domino effect that exposed several more untruths over the course of his career. Now the guywho read the news, IS the news.What a tangledwebwe weave, when is our business to deceive… H H H H H H H H H H H By P.O. Jay Moccia RepublicanSenatorTedCruz announcedhis candidacy forPresident in 2016. Liberals immediately attacked the Texan because his Cuban father fled to Canada…now if he left Cuba and went to Kenya… H H H H H H H H H H H Obama administration officials claim the unrest in the Middle East is the result of poor economic opportunity. In other words, the Taliban and ISIS would not hate us if they had jobs. I propose we rectify that situation immediately. We should employee any willing Islamic Ter- rorists as bullet magnet quality control, explosive testers, and casket interior inspectors. H H H H H H H H H H H With the freezing temps and snow testing every cop’s fortitude, HQ remindedOfficers tomaintain uniform standards. Now I ask you gentle reader, if 150 cops at a funeral can’t manage to wear the same thing, after being toldwhat to bring; what makes theCrystal Palace think cops won’t bundle up in a blizzard?? Just a thought, if you left a dog out for hours in that weather, you’d be in jail, we got traffic posts. H H H H H H H H H H H If youworrywhether you can be a good parent, you probablywill… H H H H H H H H H H H During a concert, Madonna tripped over her cape and toppled off the stage. When you get to her age, falls become more common. File under: Bruised ego, broken hip… H H H H H H H H H H H Starbucks is taking some heat for a decision to engage customers on the subject of racism. Just whatAmerica needs, a lecture from a hipster with a ring in his nose…can I get directions to the nearest TimHorton’s? H H H H H H H H H H H Iran and the US are in negotiations to keep the Persians from devel- oping a nuclear bomb. Secretary of State Kerry claims the deal will do just that…pardon me if I have a little trouble believing that. These are the same folks that claimed Health Care would cost less, and we could keep our doctor…just sayin’ H H H H H H H H H H H ISIS wants to re-establish the 7 th Century Caliphate. I say good for them! Let’s bomb them back to the Stone Age, and they can pick up from there. H H H H H H H H H H H San Fran-sicko is debating a ban on Oreo’s. They claim the tasty snack contains dangerous trans fats (that’s why it tastes so gooood!) and must be kept from children. I think those Commies just don’t like the fact that it’s America’s favorite cookie! H H H H H H H H H H H While inAruba, I saw a very fat guy with a rather attractive woman. I thought; “he’s punching over his weight class” then realized, there is no weight class over his-way to go tubby! H H H H H H H H H H H Indiana recently passed the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act”. It has sparked vigorous debate, with the left claiming the law allows discrimination. Funny thing is, it is based on the Federal version, which has been on the books since it was championed by Liberal lionTedKen- nedy and signed by Bill Clinton. Really??? I thought these hypocrites preached TOLERANCE (as long as you agree with them, I guess) H H H H H H H H H H H